Bad Movies Marathon: Jaws: The Revenge (1987) dir, Joseph Sargent

In my first Bad Movies Marathon review, I mentioned Exploitation Film, which seems quite often to be the category that such Bad Movies fall into. This one features no random lesbian orgies or barb-wire and sulphuric acid. The only exploitation going on here is of Michael Caine's talent and image.

"How the hell does a shark follow people to the Bahamas?!" I once heard a young blonde demand on an old episode of Hollyoaks. Indeed, Jaws: The Revenge's notoriety is widespread, seeping even into the everyday chit-chat of hot young Chester folk. Teresa McQueen is one of many who can't quite get their heads around the idea of a great white shark, with no less than four American-born predecessors in this franchise, following one woman from the US to the Bahamas, and all in the same time that she makes it by plane!

So, what do we have in terms of a forth Jaws installment? Well, Lorraine Gary returns, rather worse for the wear, from retirement as the now widowed Ellen Brody. While she is hugely paranoid and neurotic, despite having been the only Brody to get no close-up Great White action in the series, her sons Sean and Michael seem undeterred by their past horrors. When Sean is killed (three guesses how), things carry on as normal: Ellen is now even more paranoid, and Michael more keen on the water than ever. Go figure! So, the traumatised Ellen goes to stay with Michael and his family in the Bahamas, where he works in some open-ocean-related role.

Having had her family tangled up with sharks (let's not forget- different, unrelated sharks) several times now, Ellen grows convinced that this specific shark is getting revenge on her. For what, I don't know. Why, I also don't know. "Is this shark the nephew, or the cousin, or the next-door-neighbour or what?" Siskel and Ebert joked in their 1987 review. Why would this particular shark want revenge for the deaths of other sharks? Unless some Pussy Riot-style protest is taking place, it's probably fair to say that this concept is pure paranoia on Ellen's part, and terrible screenwriting by the creator.

So what is so bad about Jaws: The Revenge? Is it the ridiculous plot, below-amateur production and laughable accents? The shark with the $20 budget? How about Lorraine Gary's ghastly haircut and high-waisted trousers? All of the above, and the countless accompanying errors, like Michael Caine climbing out of the ocean with a dry shirt, Ellen remembering events she didn't witness, and the shark actually roaring, before supposedly standing vertically in the water long enough for a boat to impale it.

If 99% of this movie's audience can be annoyed by the plethora of plot-holes and poor production, why oh why could the considerable crew involved in its making not realise that their project was a pile of shit, and either make the necessary changes or scrap the whole thing. I mean, aside us 'art fags,' they do make movies to make money, right?

Oh boy, it's one hell of a disaster. "So bad it's good?" one IMDb user asks? No, so bad you don't know whether to laugh or cry. But it's not a wonder that the once-radiant Lorraine Gary went quickly back into hiding after Jaws: The Revenge. It's truly shocking.